Jesus, if I am honest often at the onset of hardship and suffering, I am ready to quit on You. I guess You keep exposing how weak that I really am. You are the source of my strength, and it is Your strength that is made perfect in my weakness. I've read about and watched others stand under far greater challenges and pressure than what I have faced. I used to think that I am not as strong as them, but the more accurate truth is that I have not learned to trust You like they did.
The disciples thought that they could make it to the other side of the sea in the boat without You accompanying them. I have foolishly thought that I can fulfill the destiny that You have called me to with just Your gifts not recognizing that more than anything I need Your Presence. Like the disciples struggling in the storm, You allow me to exert my strength to bring me to the realization that my strength is not enough. When I am on the verge of quitting You show up at what I think is the end to give me a fresh revelation of You so that I learn to no longer trust in me but only in You. Help me to give up trying to do what You have called me to do apart from You.
Help me Jesus! Do not let me drown in the sea of my present temporal reality. Have mercy Lord and save me! I have allowed the wind, the rain, the storm, and the waves to distract my attention and focus away from You, the One who called me out of the boat to walk on the water to You. As long as my eyes were fixed on You, You enabled me to do the impossible. But now that I am sinking in the sea I feel and look like a fool for stepping out of the boat in the first place. I stepped out in faith, and I am now drowning with doubts. I know that all that I deserve is to drown in this sea. I am so glad that is not Your heart towards me. Please pick me up out of these waters, put me back in the boat, still the storm, and lead me to the destiny that You originally told me to go to.
I do not want to merely look to others that I am passionately serving You when I know that in my heart that I am just going through the motions in my relationship with You. Let me fall on my face and be publicly humiliated if that is what it takes for me to truly seek Your face. I am tired of giving You leftovers when You, the Bread of Heaven, has satisfied the deepest longings of my soul. Give me a holy encounter with Your Presence that will wreck me so that I do not want anyone or anything but You.
I want to finish this race hearing You say to me 'Well done you good and faithful servant!' Right now, would You examine me and show me my sin. Move me to confess and repent of it as I return to You with my whole heart. Fill me afresh with Your Holy Spirit that I may walk in intimate fellowship with You and my brothers and sisters in Christ. Please glorify Your name, build Your Kingdom, and do Your will on earth as it is in heaven through this life that You have given and entrusted to me. I do not know what to do and cannot do anything apart from You so help me to keep looking to and trusting in You. In Jesus' name, Amen!!!
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